Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
