first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize