just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
