so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
