guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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