please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
