I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
