No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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