grandma shit on top of the toilet
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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