a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
