Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
