I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
