I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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