Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
