please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
