If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
