I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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