When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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