At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
