What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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