Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
