I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
