Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize