in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Randomize
