What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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