Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize