I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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