Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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