a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
