that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need a beard to bite.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
