Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
