literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
