im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
