There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
