Christians are straight up FREAKS
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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