I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
