Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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