It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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