you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
