Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
