I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drunk is not a location!
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