: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Yo dont text me then not text me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How does one acquire holy water?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
