We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
