I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
