I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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