hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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