Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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