glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
