Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
