just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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