I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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