Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
