I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
