Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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