The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
