he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You are the jesus of drinking
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
