I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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