Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
