It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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