I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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