The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize