Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
