Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
