I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
did you just send me my own nude
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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