Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Randomize
