If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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