He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
