we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
