We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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