Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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