The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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