The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just gargled with NyQuil
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
