So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
