All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
