hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
