ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
