You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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