I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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