Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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