new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
