Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
