is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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