I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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