Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
