JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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