I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
