We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
