David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
