I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
