I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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