i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize