The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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