There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
