As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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