she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
