dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
